I've had a sort of epiphany. As I'm lying on my bed in freshly washed sheets eating mint chocolate chip ice cream out of the container (NOM - sorry diet), thinking about the loooong shift at work I've just had, I've come to a realization. There are only two kinds of patients I ever really remember.
1. There are the traumatizing, unforgettable traumas and deaths. Usually we know these patients before they come in via the EMS radio. But no amount of mental or emotional preparation can truly prepare you for this situation. Now...I realize I've only been doing this job for two months now, and my coping mechanism thus far has been to switch my brain off until the end of my shift when I can run to my car and cry for 30 minutes in the parking lot. But, I just do not think I could ever get used to watching someone die at my hands.
2. And then there are children. The sweet, precious, innocent (sometimes screaming bloody murder) children. I've always had a weakness for children and animals. My heart goes out to them and I want to hold every single one. I think up until this point, I could tell you about nearly every child I have seen in the ER.
I could tell you about the precious 3 year old girl running a 103 fever who grinned from ear to ear when I walked in the room and told me " Well, hi! I like your blue pants!" (as in my ratty surgical blue scrubs).
I could tell you about the heart breaking 5 year old with mouth ulcers who refused to show the doctors and nurses her mouth because it hurt so badly it was bleeding. But when everyone but me left the room she tugged on my hand and stuck out her tiny bleeding tongue.
I could tell you about the 5 week old baby girl who cried for 3 days straight and while the PA was palpating her tiny little belly her precious eyes got wide, she stopped crying and just stared straight into his eyes. And then she wrapped her tiny 5 week old baby hand around my pinky finger and I could have melted to the floor.
I love the innocence that children absolutely radiate. Working in the ER, unfortunately there are adults who come in wanting pain meds or work excuses. With children, they are so adorable and pure and trusting. I never thought I would want to go into pediatrics with my sister being a pediatrician. I've always wanted to be a bad a** and snap broken bones back into place, or preform life-changing surgery. But, lately all I can think about is all the little children that I have seen and helped. SO. MANY. DECISIONS. So, naturally, I had to share my thoughts and ramblings with my thousands of closest friends on the internet....
K
p.s. Almost finished with Heaven is for Real! Possibly contributing to my child-love-obsession right now. Wonderful book!
